Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Change of Season

Maybe it's because we're in autumn, yes, maybe that's it. You may wonder, feeling the temperature right now, but businesses are gearing up for the run-up to Christmas, the university's doing it as well, kids are back at school - the false sense of security which the summer provided is well and truly gone. Yet maybe that isn't the reason I'm feeling as bad as I am.

A lot has happened in the last few weeks, a lot has been changing, some of which I've ridden along with, to my considerable enjoyment, some of which has been less obvious but no less significant. And at the moment I'm living a life of tumult - multiple demands from the day job, freelance work and unpaid work, stress because I'm the only one in our household with a job (I'm not apportioning blame here, although it does leave me in the unenviable - and inappropriate - position of being 'the one in charge of the money')...and this is not including the people on the fringes.

It's a time where I feel unappreciated by my family, unappreciated in general actually. I need a holiday, yet I'm paid by the hour - if I took a week off I'd not get paid for it until I left my current employer; great news for them, useless for me. It's awkward - the only people I can really ask for support aren't really in much of a position to provide any. So I wend my lonely way on, hoping that people understand and find invariably that they don't. Apologies for the whinge - I didn't really want this blog to have any - but it's a mostly unhappy time for me and I thought I'd practice at bringing a sense of it to the screen.

It's an odd unhappiness - the profound reasons which accounted for it last year are no longer in play (a situation I'd never thought would come to pass), yet I'm still feeling quite adrift.

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