So it's day 1 in Scotland for the first time in nearly 5 years. I'm up here with friends, but not with Tom - my first holiday on my own since 1998 and it's much needed space. Space is something I've always understood was necessary, but having an actual break is something I've needed to put into practice for many years. My colitis recurrence and the simultaneous chest infection have made it clear that my stress management has hit an all time low. So I'm in Scotland, with Dave and Steve, with the chance to clear my head.
And I do need to clear my head. The level of change has been so rapid recently, that despite its all having been good, and all having been successful, I'm feeling resentful of it. As Tom put it, some 'me' time gives me the chance to adjust, the chance to be me independently of my responsibilities and the changes going on with them. I have a lot of hopes placed in the next three days and I hope they get met (I'm pretty certain they will).
Friday, October 13, 2006
Lots of physical stresses as you can tell by the title. All of the mental stress from the last two months conspired to break me physically last week. And although the colitis flare up is now going back under control (albeit slowly), the other illnesses are a real pain. Thankfully Cosmo is about. We did so well with her in the last 24 hours, I'm so proud. Tom, she and I worked as a team to create an hilarious evening and a quiet night (the opposite of the previous 24 hours).
It's fascinating the changes in everything which Cosmo is forcing. I go through bouts of being alarmed by it, but it's all good. There are a couple of adjustments left to manage, but they're likely to self correct when we both start being well again (Tom's got the cough and cold too).
As I approach the end of 2006 I still find it almost mind boggling to realise I own my own house, have a job, share a cat, and am married to the loveliest man I've known. It's been a bastard of a year but the set up for the next decade has also gone on, and it's a good one.