The Apprentice (UK) 4:12 (Spoilers)

Aaaargh. I got it wrong. I really thought Alex was going to win. He fit the description from what Alan Sugar has gone for so precisely, I'd been pretty sure it was cut and dried. Lee it was though - the cheeky chappy who lied on his CV wins the day.

Hmmph. Ah well. I'd have been happier if Claire had won out of the two of them.

I Heart Fern Britton

I've loved Fern Britton as a TV presenter since I was a kid. At a time when all TV presenters (and certainly news presenters) were boring and old, she made a splash on 80's BBC-training-ground 'Spotlight South West' (followed soon after by Jill Dando) and it didn't take long for BBC London to notice her. In those days she was glamorous and thin, and her popularity was full deserved. Her personality shone through in the age of Kenneth Kendall, a permanently frowny Jan Leeming and Richard Baker.

Her run as co-presenter on ITV's 'This Morning' with Phillip Schofield unexpectedly eclipsed that of her predecessor Judy Finnigan, except this time she was significantly overweight. The suspicion was that she had become a national treasure in part because of her weight, which became borne out when she recently went for her dramatic weight loss. She didn't initially reveal that she'd had gastric banding surgery and much of the tabloid press decided she'd been dishonest in some manner with her audience. Excuse me, how exactly is it her audience's business, even if she'd only told part of the story? I think Fern is as fabulous now as she was when I was then, and Lowri Turner is dead right - her appearance is her business. If she wasn't being truthful about being happy being fat, it indeed shows just how difficult her body image as a TV presenter has been for her. And how she went about her weight loss is also irrelevant - might I remind the tabloid scum that her Rivita commercials were supposed to be ironic in the first place?

What's alarming remains the suggestion that part of her popularity came from her size, that being fat and seemingly happy with it made her the safe repository for a huge proportion of her audience's insecurities, and that going thin was thus some sort of betrayal. Barbara Ellen is right here - her popularity really should only be down to her disproportionate skill as a TV presenter. I wonder if Dawn French would suddenly get it in the neck if she revealed she hated her weight and actually did something about it. What a damning indictment that would be on us. The lesson of this storm in a teacup is that yes, it is ok to be fat, yes it's ok to be slim, and that judging people for their bodies whatever their size couldn't be more out of order. And good for Fern for sticking up for herself (below).

Fern Britton
by UnrealityTV

Enough Eurovision Nonsense

This isn't so much of a new complaint as a final one. Terry Wogan is right - it's time to leave, at least for the UK. The nature of the Eurovision Song Contest has always been in flux I guess, but it's now evolved (devolved?) to be largely about voting patterns of migrant workers, and scoring regional (and by regional I mean eastern and south-eastern European) points off one another, regardless of the merits of the music. Andy Abraham is actually an extremely good singer, and you could quite easily argue that he was competing in the wrong competition last night (I think that's true), but his last-place finish was a joke. The voting for Russia was strategic (Terry kept remarking on the oil, and who's to say he was wrong?), the regional Balkan and Scandinavian voting didn't take the music into account at all,but at the end of the day despite the hideous mutual appreciation societies (Germany & Turkey anyone?), it was clear these audiences no longer listen to our stuff. We're part of a mainstream in the UK, Australasia, German and Japan, whose audiences either can't watch this show or don't vote for it. Ergo there's no further point in competing.

The Apprentice (UK) 4:9

On the male side of the UK's fourth series of 'The Apprentice', there are: Lee, Michael, Alex and Raef.

I'm going to go out on a limb and call series 4 for a woman. Just a hunch...

On a happier side Margaret is as awesome as ever, and if Nick Hewer purses his lips and breathes through his teeth any sharper, the front of his face might fall right off...

Russell T Davies Exits Doctor Who

It's been rumoured for some time, but Russell T Davies has now formally announced his departure as executive producer and lead writer of Doctor Who. Whilst many may be disappointed at the loss of the man who returned 'New Who' to our screens in 2005, I'd like to point out that his replacement in both roles is (again as rumoured) Steven Moffat. I couldn't be happier. Whilst RTD has been guilty of some shockingly poor writing ('Last of the Time Lords' anyone?) and some pretty weak story bibling ('Bad Wolf' anyone?), Moffat has won awards for 'The Empty Child', 'The Girl in the Fireplace' and the remarkable 'Blink'. He's also cut his teeth in charge of a series with the unexpectedly good 'Jekyll'.

It remains to be seen whether or not Davies will tie the elements of his four series together before his departure, to leave a new (or old) status quo for his successor. There are hints already that the 'Bad Wolf' meme will be revisited and tied up, and that even the part-closed subplots may be heading for a complete resolution. The length of time it's taken proves just how much RTD has borrowed from Chris Claremont and Joss Whedon. I can't wait not just to see what Moffat brings, but who his Doctor will be.

The Margaret Mountford Fan Club

It's a dreadful programme - car crash TV at its zenith - but BBC1's version of 'The Apprentice' is really fun. Pure pantomime TV without the fake moralising of Jeremy Kyle, Trisha Goddard or Jerry Springer, as Anna Pickard points out it's become exceedingly popular for its bit players, Sugar's aides - the ascerbic Nick Hewer and in particular Margaret Mountford.



Margaret's put downs, her irritation, her common sense and intelligence (which is always on a different scale to the contestants, who are so stupid this year they seem almost scripted) indeed reflect what we are thinking. When we're fed up with Jenny believe me Margaret was more fed up with her weeks ago. When we're shocked at Michael's boardroom outburst, Margaret felt like she'd been spat on. The woman has class, style, attitude and smarts. The real star of the show and one of the biggest and best gay icons in years.

The Apprentice (UK) 4:6

Oh my God. I really wasn't going to blog about this series but....

National Singles' Day?

THE APOSTROPHE????????????????????? IT ISN'T A POSSESSIVE, YOU PLANK!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. And to celebrate saving the environment...with a greetings card? Which will have a carbon footprint?! Now I've seen everything.

Spacey Attacks the BBC

In attacking the BBC for its overhype and disproportionate promotion of Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals, Kevin Spacey has hit the nail on its head. It's particularly bad for a public service broadcaster essentially to be promoting only one West End theatre company at the expense of all the others, when its Charter remit would recommend something else entirely. Yet the masses want what the masses want and the private, ratings-chasing mentality is firmly entrenched at Broadcasting House. No doubt there's also a sense that Lloyd Webber reality TV shows like Any Dream Will Do are the BBC's X-Factor, and need to be stuck with at all costs, given the corporation's past failures at music-based reality TV programming.

It's a mentality which is affecting most media these days - Marvel Comics putting superstar creators on poor selling properties like Fantastic Four, generating huge hype for brief periods at the expense of stronger written work on less familiar properties. It gets the attention the publisher needs, but it doesn't lend itself to a strong long-term strategy for them, nor for their publications at both ends of the sales figures. At some point the public will tire of the gimmick, Spacey is quite right in his irritation that far more innovative theatre companies like his will are losing out, with the public being pointed only in one direction on the West End, but with all media horribly fragmented and all audiences' attention spans unprecedentedly short, it's hard to know where the middle ground is. There may not be one.

Complaining About Catherine Tate

Me? Absolutely not. I have huge reservations about her being the new companion for Doctor Who series 4, but I love her comedy show, and thought her Christmas Special the other day was one of the best show's she's ever done in her career.

Others didn't agree.

We really are in a place where people love to take offence for other people, regardless of whether they're offended or not. It's bollocks. Grow up people - the show was on at the right time, the tone was just as it's ever been, the Northern Irish sketches were a satire for fuck's sake (see, I said fuck too) and we even got the delight of Kathy Burke returning from her premature acting retirement.

Voyage of the Damned

Well the sole naysayer I saw reviewing the Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned Christmas Special was wrong. It wasn't the best we've had, but it far outdid last year's, and Kylie wasn't window dressing, nor did she overshadow Tennant. In fact she outacted Catherine Tate something rotten. 



This was a lovely Christmas episode, with elements of Titanic & Poseidon Adventure thrown in, not to mention the odd surprise. The only fault I'd offer would be that it was perhaps played too safe. Where Torchwood made a thoroughly unexpected and curveball-throwing introduction at the end of the first Christmas Special, this was far too self contained. Nice for the evening, but without much of an edge to it. Not surprising, considering Russell T Davies himself wrote it, but it did leave you wanting more danger and uncertainty than was actually offered.

The emotion though was real, sincerely acted, and Kylie Minogue really was nice as Astrid. Shame she couldn't take Catherine Tate's place - she'd clearly have done very well indeed. We had familiar themes here about the Doctor and his wishing he could determine who lives and who dies, but they were nicely not overdone, especially considering the seasonal episode. I do want to hear the new theme again though, and I'm intrigued about Series 4, with the edgy trailer, alongside what I've already heard rumoured. That Tennant really owns the character now - even the slightest failures in direction or script really do quite easily rub off now - he can really own the audience with looks which he now times to utter perfection.

Who Prayers Answered

So it looks like Catherine Tate jumped the gun. Can this blogger say whew?

Tennant's refuted her claim, saying he is going to be the Doctor for the three 2009 specials, and that as usual he's not yet signed to season 5 because he hasn't yet been asked. So my suspicion that Tate's claim was part of his usual bargaining strategy was probably right. The BBC will find it hard to avoid signing him to season 5 now, whoever is in charge of it (according to Peter Davison it will be Steven Moffat).

Tennant To Leave Dr Who?

Catherine Tate seems to think so.

The comedian, speaking on Radio 2's Jonathan Ross programme, said: "I think it's maybe David's last series."

The BBC needs to do everything in its power to keep him in series 5 in 2010. Hopefully, despite their cost cutting exercise they're wise to this. The show managed to keep going in 1984 after Peter Davison had only been there for two seasons, indeed Tennant's predecessor Christopher Eccleston notoriously managed only one. But the relaunch is still fresh in the public's mind, especially in an age where the media is so fragmented (alongside viewers' attention), and to me only three seasons plus a year of quarterly specials would be far too short for a man labelled frequently as the best Doctor ever. This blogger's fingers are crossed - at least one full season with Steven Moffat at the helm (as is strongly rumoured) and then give someone else a crack as the Eleventh Doctor.

Please?

Appeasement

A local BBC radio presenter joked that Gillian Gibbons' dog was called Mohammed. Then the BBC issued an on-air apology. Why, exactly? Were they really afraid that a sarcastic jibe at a hysterical Muslim element in a foreign country would lead to her meeting Theo Van Gough's fate?

They stand firm over Jerry Springer: The Opera, yet cave in and apologise to world Islam before a complaint is even made. Why bloody pander to people who choose to take offence, before they even do?